So far, I haven’t really enjoyed celebrating much this year. I remember happily spending Christmas on the beach in India over the last couple of years, and how fun it was. No worrying about which family members need to see and who to buy presents for. I suppose I am pleased that I haven’t gone away this year as I suspect my holiday would have been ruined by the current circumstances.

As I have had plenty of time to sit and wallow in self-pity over the last couple of days, I keep wondering whether he really underestimated me, did he expect my Christmas not to be miserable? I admit to having a hard exterior, but only to protect the inner softie in me. I had so been looking forward to having a week off in which to just chill out and enjoy myself, which hasn’t really happened. I think if the table were turned, I would at least have waited until after Christmas to break my news. I am currently see-sawing between wanting him to change his mind, and never wanting to see him again, combined with feelings of anger and upset at how badly I have reacted to it all.

Last night was brightened up by there being karaoke at the local pub. Not only did I enjoy singing, but I could embarrass my brother too – hehe. I don’t think he minded really, and he even sent me a text to say he had sung Wonderwall, after I had gone home. I think it was a group effort, he had threatened to kill me earlier in the evening if I had put his name in for a song!

It’s been a week since I did any yoga, with ladies holidays and full moons and such like, so I will be pleased to get back to my flat tomorrow and have space to move around. All the rooms here at mum’s are too small to put a mat down. I did bring some kit though, just in case, although I am not sure where I thought I would wear it. I am not sure whether just to practice at home until the shala re-opens on 9th Jan, or whether to give one of the other London yoga centres a go for a couple of weeks. I am not that great at motivating myself to practice alone.

Anyway, wherever you are and whatever you are celebrating, I hope you have a lovely day!

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