Seasonal affective disorder. A reality or just an excuse for slovenly behaviour? I have been feeling really tired and rather depressed this week. It’s easy to look for reasons other than ones own lack of self motivation to account for the way you are feeling. As well as recovering from a cold, I have felt totally wiped out and unmotivated all week. I have been saying to myself, if then sun were out, then I might have felt like going out at lunch time, buying some fruit, going to the shops, just generally getting on with life. But instead I just sit at my desk, peering at my computer screen, and occasionally having outbursts, such as this one, about my predicament.

Yesterday was a particularly bad day for manifesting negative thoughts. I was in a ‘what’s the point’ spiral. Everything is just the same, day-in day-out, we have no real control of what is happening out there. My mindset wasn’t really helped by meeting a chirpy 20-something friend with a very laissez-faire attitude who says, just jack in the job, sell your flat, ditch your man, go to Kerala and live on a houseboat. Unfortunately my slightly more mature outlook says, stay here, worry about your clients, your job, paying your mortgage. blah blah. The usual citta vritti?

My practice today was pretty floppy. My stomach muscles and my arms are still quite stiff. The shala felt really sticky too. I ended up jacking it all in when no-one came to tie me up into Supta K. D did come over shortly after as I was preparing for back bends (read staring up to the ceiling aimlessly seeking a miracle energy source) and apologised for missing me and offering me the chance to have another go, but by this point I had no motivation to continue. I find everything from Supta K onwards a bit stressful when I am stuck in the narrow end of the shala as there is little room for flailing limbs or rolling around.

Well, I guess that is enough of my woe for the day. Hopefully a nice cup of herbal tea and some jazzy music will energise me for the afternoon?

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