October 2006


I am TIRED today. Although the clocks went back and we technically got an extra hour in bed on Sunday, I decided to take advantage of my first totally free Sunday in ages and stayed in bed till nearly midday!!! But I paid for it last night when I couldn’t sleep – I was awake till 1, then woke again at 3.30 for an hour.

Practice today seemed exhausting – almost as though I wanted to give up. My body felt unwilling to put up with discomfort. I have been finding that my practice has been bringing up some really strong emotions in these last few days. On Saturday I could have killed someone after class – it really fired me up. Tonight I almost felt tearful. Mentally I have been working through quite a few issues, so I guess it all comes out in the asana practice too.

Tomorrow night I have ‘a date’ … OK so I broke dating protocol and asked him out, but it is the 21st Century, and sometimes a woman must take the initiative….

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My friend from yoga went to see a chiropractor yesterday – she has been having some trouble with back pain. Apparently, after her initial assessment and description of her symptoms, the chiropractor asked her if she had been in a car crash… we both found this diagnosis rather amusing!

This morning I dedicated my practice to non-attachment. Although I was awake at 4.30am considering Patanjali’s words of wisdom again, I feel as though my mind is clearer today.

I am glad I have yoga.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Vanessa yesterday – a welcome coffee break in my day of citta vrtti! I hope we can do it again sometime soon!

I have been waiting for someone to call me – I don’t think they will. I found myself starting to analyse this, worry about why this might be? Then it occurred to me how it is that we form an attachment to someone or something we do not really know.

As I analysed my thoughts on this matter I thought of Patanjali’s second Sutra and particularly the commentary by Sri Swami Satchinananda.

Sri Swami Satchinananda makes a fine example of a modification of the mind: he makes an analogy with cheese. Effectively saying that once you smell cheese, you won’t return to your restful state of mind until the desire to eat has been sated. And I suppose that the point he is making here is that before you smelled the cheese, you didn’t feel the need to eat. With yoga we aim to control this.

He also points out how the human mind creates labels for things, his example is the reunification of a child with his long lost father – within seconds, the man, who was once a stranger, becomes a father, really nothing has changed, the man is still the man he was before he was labelled, it is all just a modification of the mind.

I applied this logic to my situation – until I expected a call, I didn’t wait for that call. I took solace in this and am letting this attachment go – I am who I was last week, nothing in my life has changed – My perception has changed, some attachment was formed, but I now let that go.

Not much to say here really. On Tuesday my shoulders seemed more open, which may have been due to doing a stint lying over a bolster at C’s class on Monday.

Yesterday I felt my left hip was a bit more open, which may have been due to me getting J to stand on my knee whilst I stretched it out on Tuesday.

Must try both of those things again!

Finally feeling alive again after the weekend – It’s taken 4 days!!!

I am still knackered – I am kidding myself trying to believe that at very nearly 32 I can party all night on Saturday, not catch up on that night of sleep at all, then function fine afterwards….

Yesterdays body combat class felt hard, and my yoga practice even harder. This morning I turned off my alarm clock at 6.30 and then woke up again to find it was 8.00. Oops….

Having commented on V’s blog about Ahimsa, I shall now endeavour to practice it myself and cancel my lunchtime step class. Hopefully that way I will have enough energy for a good practice tonight.

Last night I had a dream that my yoga teacher asked me to stand down from the TT because I was having ego problems and didn’t think I could learn anything else from her…. ?!! What is my brain trying to tell me here… be humble, perhaps. Maybe I should try it?

The weekends yoga practices were good – I made a valiant effort yesterday and managed to lead an hour long practice with my downstairs neighbour, despite having only had half an hours broken sleep! Even drop backs were OK – think my back is finally loosening up somewhat!

After practice on Saturday, one of my yoga buddies decided to arrange an impromptu evening-do. We had a lovely meal at hers, then we, including my yoga teacher (!) went into Soho for a dance. Had a brilliant time – it is nice to know that being a yogi does impress some people – even if the-ex thought it was akin to being a scientologist!

During our meal I was talking to my teacher about ambition and yoga – refer to earlier posts re. yoga and bets! She agreed that we shouldn’t push ourselves beyond our capabilities, but if we were to approach our goals using our own capabilities and practiced santosha, then it was OK!

I got up at 6 this morning and practiced with my friend downstairs – my, was I stiff. The difference in flexibility at that time of the morning when I have literally got out of bed and got onto the mat, compared to getting up and getting to the yoga studio is amazing. Obviously, I have noticed that I am stiffer when I practice in the morning, but getting anywhere in London to practice tends to involve a walk, a tube, a bus, another walk and about 45 minutes of time, during which your body does warm up a bit. I felt rather like a pensioner – sun salutations were not even feeling like mine at the end of SNB! In Prasarita Padottanasana, my head must have been miles from the floor, and even getting head to leg in Janu Sirsasana was a bit of an effort. Couldn’t really do Karna Pidasana properly – eek. I am glad I did it though, we will endeavour to do two morning practices together per week from now on.

One thing that I did notice this morning was that practicing with out glasses/contact lenses makes balancing really difficult – I am shortsighted enough that I can’t really focus on anything much more than a foot in front of me – I ended up putting my glasses back on for the standing balances.

My new mat arrived yesterday – I haven’t felt anything like it in terms of grip before, it really is quite something. At the moment it also smells very rubbery – in a rather addictive way too! I noticed doing Surya Namaskar that my feet must usually slip back a bit in transition from chatturanga to Urdhva Mukah Svanasana – with this mat my feet stay exactly where I jump them back to and I feel that my pose is shorter and the lower back stretch is more intense – rolling back over the toes in this short position is more challenging too. However, I don’t need to adjust my feet at all in Adho Mukha Svanasana – so its probably all good, and a worthwhile stretch for my lower back.

Yesterdays step- class plan went out of the window when we got evacuated from our office – a crane on the adjacent building site buckled and the police were insistent that we all left, despite being a good 75 meters from the crane… oh well, an afternoon off work was not all bad 🙂

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